Maybe I simply don't respect myself enough. I think I'm putting in so much work to get people's respect and validation because I get none otherwise.

When I do put in a lot of effort into some things, like math, programming, chess; People think I'm natural at it. They come to expect it; not to respect it.

 "Ah, of course he's good in that, he's Shawn!"

Nobody is good at anything without putting any effort in. I'm natural at nothing, I naturalise myself to it. You learn insight; You learn what to see. Only then you can get better.

I was not born with a library of occasionally useful information.

Apparently, now when I lose a game; my "reputation" is at stake? I don't even know how I got one!!